Your Stance: Do Soul Mates Really Exist?

Soul Mates

I received a really good article the other day from Bliss Tree (another blog) called “The Great Soulmate Debate”. I haven’t posted any writings on relationships yet, so when this article came to me I thought why not start with one of the more controversial theories of love.

The idea of a soul mate is one that is much debated. The “Hollywood” definition seems to be that there is only one person on this earth that will match you perfectly, where love and relationships are glorified into stories of great passion, infatuation, and excitement. But is that real? According to the Encarta Dictionary, the definition of a soul mate is “somebody with whom somebody else naturally shares deep feelings and attitudes.” Not exactly the same thing. In perusing the thesaurus I found something even more interesting in that the synonyms for soul mate included such words as friend, pal, companion, partner, chum. Those aren’t exactly the most passionate words out there, but are they more realistic?

You can read the whole Bliss Tree article here, but the main point this author shares is that soul mates do not exist. In fact, the author goes as far as saying “I’m pretty sure this long-held belief makes me unromantic, but I’m also pretty sure it’s the reason I have a solid marriage.”

Does the theory of soul mates diminish our ability to have meaningful relationships?

As this article (click here) from About.com says, whether we believe in soul mates or not, in order for a relationship to be successful, both individuals need to want the relationship to be great. It takes discipline, study, communication, negotiation, and compromise. Marriage to your soul mate will not mean a life free from hard times and conflict, no matter what the movies tell us. Being in a relationship is a choice. Loving someone and wanting to spend your life with them is a choice. Putting in the effort to make the relationship work is a choice. No matter if you were destined for that person or not, each side needs to be willing to take responsibility, and refuse to quit when times get hard. Whether you call your partner your soul mate or not, this will always be true of a long-term relationship. Love is hard work.

As we evolve, our definition of a soul mate will evolve. It is not one static definition. It is what we choose to make it and believe. Whether you use the word soul mate or not, love is a choice. The first step is getting to know yourself better so that when the right person comes along you will know what you need from them and also what you can give back.

I will leave you with a couple quotes from Richard Bach, who is the author of ‘One’ and ‘A Bridge Across Forever’. Substitute ’soul mate’ for whatever phrase you’d like, but for me this captures the true essence of a wonderful relationship.

Our soulmate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we’re two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we’ve found the right person.” ~ Richard Bach

“A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other.” ~ Richard Bach

So, what do you think? Do soul mates really exist?

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6 comments to Your Stance: Do Soul Mates Really Exist?

  • JayJay

    I agree with the Bliss Tree Article, I do not think there is any such thing, but another fairy tale glamorized by Hollywood. Every girl I have dated has characteristics that I like and some I can’t stand and I’m sure they felt the same way about me. If you are committed to someone, all you need is trust and loyalty to stand the test of time in any relationship once you are past the honeymoon phase, and you will pass the honeymoon phase.

  • Katie

    I agree that a meaningful and strong relationship is about choices. I can’t define it as having a soul mate but being able to share something with someone so deeply makes it feel like it’s soulful. I think they exist in everyone’s mind, but to each their own definition. :)

  • Live To Inspire

    JayJay – I totally agree. Loyalty and trust are huge in having a happy, long-lasting relationship. That honeymoon phase does pass, and when that happens, depending on how you look at it, that’s when the fun really begins. I think I’ve mention this phrase before – commit to commitment. It comes from a Frasier episode, but it’s definitely one I like to use.

  • Live To Inspire

    Katie – To each their own definition. I love that, and totally agree. I also love what you said about sharing something so deeply that it makes it feel soulful. It’s almost like a “soul mate” isn’t a destination, it’s a journey, like everything else. It may not be an instant recognition, but more so the journey that you share together that connects the souls. Thanks for sharing that. :) Very interesting.

  • Shelley

    I would be lying if I said that there wasn’t a part of me that wants to beleive in soul mates — I mean it just sounds like the ultimate completion of self. However, in reality if finding a soul mate means meeting that person who is your parallel; ‘gets’ you in every way and fulfills all that you desire, then I have to side with the Bliss Tree article as well. And I would even venture to say that, in life, being with a true ’soul mate’ (in the hollywood sense) might prove to be very dull. I beleive there is a lot to be said for the growth that stems from the challenges that our relationships present us with. In my own marriage, it is the differences between us that always end up pushing us to betterment and eventually closer together. I love the way you phrased it previuosly, that a soul mate is a journey; perhaps when we are old and grey, and still in love, we too will beleive in soul mates!

  • Live To Inspire

    Great comments, Shelley. I very much agree with you that a lot of growth and self-discovery is possible by learning to love and live with someone who is completely different from us. In a world of instant gratification, it’s definitely a challenge to realize that in most aspects of our lives it’s the journey through the good and bad times that defines us and makes us who we are. Finding someone to stand beside us and support us through this journey is all we can really ask for. Thanks for sharing! :)

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